Amsterdam and Nachos

A trip to Holland had been in the makings for awhile as it came highly recommended from a couple friends at school. We split Alex a day after graduation or maybe a couple of days later thanks to the incompetent booking agent, yours truly. The agenda for the flight back to the states included a week's layover in Amsterdam/Gent/Alkmaar to pack on a couple of extra kilos. Mission accomplished.   

They call Amsterdam the land of bikes. Taking a morning stroll is teasing God, tempting fate, and more or less playing human Frogger against the well dressed commuters.    

Typical and uneventful canal shot. 

Westerkerk and Westertoren (western church and tower) along the canal next to the Anne Frank House/Museum on the edge of the Jordaan neighborhood.  

The Anne Frank house was at the top of Ana's list. We stood in line with a girl who just broke up with a friend and decided that she would come to Amsterdam alone, the best part was she tried to scam her way into the museum then got busted for her aggressive picture taking skills. Sadly no cameras were allowed to show the narrow and steep stairways leading to the secret house within a house (annex). To learn and see more, visit the website by clicking here. The Anne Frank statue in front of the Westerkerk by Dutch sculpture Mari Andriessen.  

By the artist known as Laser 3.14

A well dressed Dutch lady delivering her floral arrangements. Car, we don't need no stinking car.  

Mummified wiener dog made from recycled rice bags.

Stencil, freehand, and sculpture.  

Exactly.  

This could be your garage but isn't. 

This might make sense to someone. 

For KLM passengers in not-so-much of a hurry. 

A quality lock. 

I would wager to guess that one of the two real reasons why Amsterdam is a hot tourist destination are "The Coffeeshops" where you can buy weed and cannabis edibles. Hans, the owner of the room we stayed told us not to eat any muffins because of their unpredictable effects, in other words he didn't want to take us to the ER as he had done so with other house guests. Bernard Rappaz Swiss hemp farmer known for his routine hunger strikes when in custody. ps. nice mullet.   

Sex tourism is another one of Amsterdam's appeal. The Red Light District is all about window shopping. There were no shortage of gawkers. I once worked with a guy in Alabama who paid for sex, his logic was purely economics...he argued it cost him more to wine and dine the ladies (money plus time) so he went straight to the source.    

We might have missed the Heineken Experience (the fancy name for the museum-since it is more than just a museum...it's an interactive experience. yawn.) but we didn't miss out on experiencing the hometown brew. Just in case you're curious, Heineken does taste better on draft in Amsterdam than it does from a can made in Egypt.  

A house we liked near the Oud-Zuid district. 

Don't leave your handbag or laptop in the car.  

In our never-ending quest to find the perfect nachos, Taco Mundo came up a little short.

There are other attractions in Amsterdam other than sex and drugs, for example The Van Gogh museum. The highlight was the reconstruction and restoration of Van Gogh's Bedroom in Arles. We learned that the floor to his room was made from tile and not wood as one might conclude based on the color and lines in the painting. To learn and see more click here.   

One of the highlights of a canal tour are the incompetent tourists who rent paddle boats and back themselves into a wall or a corner and can't paddle out. If they do manage to break free, it is almost certain that they will find their way to block one of the tour boats. If you can find a nice patch of grass along the banks bring yourself a blanket, bottle of vino, some cheese and crackers and enjoy the show.  

Buildings along our canal tour...highly recommended. You'll also learn about all the cars, bikes, cameras, and just about everything else that somehow ends up in the canals.  

Need to move your piano to the second floor? You might as well nix the plan on using the stairs in lieu of the top floor pulley.   

Sure. 

The highlight of the Rijkemuseum was the Real American Hotdog cart. Our accommodations were right across from the national museum and yet we somehow didn't make time to view the Dutch masters. Next time we promise.  

Attention Hippies, no bongos.  

Vondelpark was also a short walk from our room. A nice break from the city. An ideal place for running, riding, and an afternoon picnic.

Thanks for cleaning up after your pet. 

Anarchist cats meet in this secret location. The google translation reads:barricades closing off streets but open perspectives 

The cold cuts were smelling a little funky.

Poster inside the jazz club Cafe Alto. Hans took us here our first night in town only to find the famous composer Lawrence Welk's estranged twin brother trying to conduct the music on stage from the bar. Sadly we didn't have our camera that evening.   

Also in the sadness department, we missed the toothbrush museum...ok, maybe it wasn't exactly a museum but seldom does one encounter a shop dedicated to mouth hygiene...much less with tooth brush couples on a ferris wheel.

All good toothbrushes go to heaven. 

I'm not sure what to say about these. Camel shoes? 

Hans getting all excited.

Egyptian Beer-The Complete List

I will spare you the long introduction on the history of Egyptian beer. History buffs can click here. This post is all business. Eight people vs. twelve brews and here are the findings...

Beer: Castelo "Hard"
ABV: 8%
Size: 500ml 
Company: Al Masria Co.


The Castelo family has three offsprings: GREEN, BLUE, and RED. I've had GREEN (5% alc/vol-though it was not tasted at this gathering). The BLUE is nicknamed "hard" as printed on the label-who said there wasn't truth in advertising? Castelo only recently started appearing in the ghetto liquor shops. This 8% monster claims "lager" but I would vote more along the lines of a malt liquor in training. I suppose after a night of pounding down a few, consider yourself lucky if you don't wake up blind.
 
What was said:
Jesus!
Skunk part II
Bottle of Old Spice
Bad as in running over a skunk and putting its butt in the beer.

Beer: Meister Max
ABV: 8%
Size: 330ml
Company: Al Ahram Beverages Co. Subsidiary of Heineken International

By far the most popular can littered on any given beach in Alex; it's hot and your itching for a quick buzz so you grab yourself cold Meister in a paper bag. For fans of a light malt liquor.
 
What was said:
I’d buy this!
Going fishing
A good non-high falutin’ beer
a blue collar beer
It sits bad
It’s not good enough to be a stella

Beer: Gold Berg
ABV: 10%
Size 500ml
 Company: Al Sherka Al Masneya al alameni Lmostalzamot Al Siaha wa Al Mashrobat (really!).


Punishing desperate beer drinkers since 1944 is what the label should read. Someone bought a bottle of Castelo and took a couple of swigs then filled it with rubbing alcohol. I don't think anyone in the group took more than one sip. The punch line is the Jewish name.  


What was said:
Mickey’s but not as good
Medicine-y
Taste like rubbing alcohol
Sweet and horrible
Bad, bad after taste
An after taste like an annoying guest that doesn’t want to leave... like herpes.
Pungent
Fuzzy
Gives you the worst burps

Beer: Sakara King
ABV: 10%
Size: 500ml
Company: Al Ahram Beverages Co.


The name Saqqara (Sakara) is derived from the area home to several step pyramids-about a 20-minute drive from the more famous ones. The label reads 100% brewed without any added alcohol and after one wiff you know you're in for a long night with this beast.


What was said: 
Smells stale... like penny pitchers.
It’s only purpose is to get you drunk
Chemical
Sweet but bad
Better than Gold Burg
Taste like skunk
Strong alcohol smell
flat
Makes my tongue go “Blah” and the roof of my mouth go numb.

Beer: Luxor XXX
ABV: 10%
Size: 500ml
Company: El Gouna Beverages Co.


In keeping up with the Joneses, Luxor pumps out their 10% rival. I'm sure some of you are thinking that Egyptian beers are not only large but pack a lot of alcohol. I think it was Ana who pulled out a regular 12 oz can from the fridge and thought it was small, and someone had to remind her that it's the normal size. The goal for the average drinker in Egypt is to get wasted; this is the only rational for the size and ABV. The triple X is by far the most drinkable of the bunch.  


What was said:
 NC 17
Not a fishing beer... unless you want to drown.
Not bad after the last beer... but that’s not saying much.
It reminds me of the last guest that wouldn’t leave... bad after taste.
Wine like quality
Sweet and fruity
The burps are not bad after this one

Beer: Heineken
ABV: 5%
Size: 330ml
Company: Al Ahram Beverages Co. Subsidiary of Heineken International

I know, you're thinking that Heineken isn't an Egyptian Beer, but it is...at least the Egyptians made it that way. Fits like an old glove. I wouldn't offend the party guest by turning one down, but I won't go out and buy it unless you're lucky enough to find one on tap. If you find tap beer anywhere in Egypt get yourself a glass and go buy a lottery ticket.  


What was said:
Dirty... but a fishing beer
Sweeter than Stella
A little skunky
It’s drinkable
I would actually drink this
I would take this over to a friends

Beer: Luxor Classic
ABV: 10%
Size: 500ml
Company: El Gouna Beverages Co.

The can says it all "Safari Size" take yourself a six pack the next time you go look for the Lion King. A very basic but consistent lager that would go well at a frat party...it's a beer. Slightly better than Stella but overall forgettable.

What was said:
Tasteless... dirty.
I’d finish it.
Like cheap beer from a bottle
Nice little after taste
Bad after burp!

Beer: Luxor Weizen (Hefe WeiBbier)
ABV: 5%
Size: 500ml
Company: El Gouna Beverages Co.

Last year I had the good fortune to run across a magazine that had an ad for the liquor store Cheers. One of the items on their menu was a Hefeweizen Beer and that got me a little excited. Word has it that the beer is brewed by Germans, it might be just a myth. I took one sip and was by far the best beer in Egypt. A constant in my fridge. We would bring up cases from Cairo before Cheers opened a store in Alex. After the revolution, production was suspended and we went and bought out any store that had "Luxor White" as it called in the shops. The company called me when the new batch was made and drove up the first 12 cases to our school. Last summer Ana and I tried several Hefeweizens in Germany and Luxor Weizen can stand on its' own.

What was said:
Good!
Great!
Not bad!
Great in Comparison
It’s the best beer in Egypt
The best beer of the night
Smells like bacon

Beer: Sakara Gold

ABV: 4%

Size: 500ml

Company: Al Ahram Beverages Co. Subsidiary of Heineken International

Egypt’s answer to Coors Light. If you need a light beverage on a warm day or something in your hand to be polite at the boss's party, Sakara might do the trick. The company wants to assure the customer they are drinking “quality beer” by mentioning no less than four times on the can. The power of suggestion does wonders.  

What was said:

 Great for fishing trips

Good when cold

Dirty... it taste like a dirty glass.

Flat

bland

Bitter

I feel bloated

Beer: Sphinx Classic

Alcohol: 5%

Size: 500ml 

Company: Al Masria Co.

From the company that brought you the Castelo line. It has tourist written all over it. This lager is loaded with sugar and stinks like a Heineken gone south.

What was said:

Skunk!

Skunk!

The skunk has arrived

No good

Blah!

If Heineken had a XXX

Did it come out of the Sphinx’s ass?

Beer: Stella

ABV: 4.5%

Size: 500ml

Company: Al Ahram Beverages Co. Subsidiary of Heineken International

Authentic Egyptian Enjoyed Since 1897. There it’s been said, actually 4 times on the can. Egypt’s oldest brew and I have to say the blue can is an iconic image in these parts. Although the beer might not take a ribbon for the best lager ever made, it does boast great design qualities. If you make it out this way, do yourself a favor and order a Stella then move on to a Luxor.  

What was said:

This is also a fishing beer... getting drunk in the sun.

It’s dirty but not nauseating

A little skunky

Weak smell

Berries

My burps are bubbly  

Beer: Bob’s Islamic Pale Ale (IPA) Batch no. 6

ABV: 7% 

Size: 500ml
Company: Bob and Ana's Closet

Made three times a year, each batch producing 36-500ml bottles. At times inconsistent, but overall a West Coast style IPA. A little too hoppy for most but I like it.  

What was said:

Smells like lemon

Whoa!

Badassssssss!!!

Hoppy

Excellent!

Grapefruit notes

Beer: The suicide  

ABV: 7%+

Size: A big pitcher

A deadly mixture of all the tasted Egyptian beers-it had to be done.

What was said:

It’s not bad

It’s the skunk but blended

My belly is warming up

Surprisingly decent 

Name: Bubba
Age: Old enough to drink
Race: Daytona 500
Favorite Color: None of your damn business 

Name: Negatron
Age: thirtysomething
Race: Cajun
Favorite Animal: Badger

Name: Red
Age: How old are you?
Race: Viking
Favorite Smurf: Papa

Name: No Neck
Age: Older than you
Race: Wookie
Favorite Bake Potato Topping: Bacon 

Name: The Burp Master
Age: 12
Race: Candy Land
Favorite Food: Sugar



Name: Monkey
Age: My place or yours?
Race: Francophone
Favorite Quote: "Wait, I thought this was going to be a wine tasting"



 Name: DM Fan
Age: Child Bride
Race: Chicana
Favorite Pastime: Kicking cats

Name: Egyptian Driver
Age: Young and wreckless
Race: Trekker
Favorite Song: Whatever the ipod is playing

Cheers makes the Luxor and nice organic wines, they also carry all the items on the Drinkies Menu. 

The limited list and the tasting notes on their wines.

Your Drinkies order arrives by a motorcycle inside a black box. Out of the black box comea a black plastic bag. 45 minutes or less from their store to your house, but it seldom arrives on time.  

Drinkies offerings.

Potential Egyptian beer names;
King Tut
Mummy
Welcome!
Mister
...feel free to add your own in the comment section